written on Wednesday December 24, 2008
Granddaddy’s been dead over a month now. It sucks. Everyday of it sucks. And I’m getting angrier and I’m withdrawing more, even without realizing it until someone tells me I seem distant or in a far off place. I’ve been wanting to go to the cemetery for a while, so for some great reason I decided today was the day.
Mama came over this morning so we could fix snowballs and oreo balls, and the red velvet cake. When Micah laid down for a nap, Jay and Andy took over the dipping of the oreo balls, and Mama and I took off in the pour down rain that kept falling harder and harder. By the time we were at the cemetery the rain had slowed only a bit. It came down in sheets. There were huge puddles of water everywhere- it was swamp like almost. We found the spot marked by squares of sod, a sunken corner, and a small Charlie Brown like Christmas tree that Granny had insisted on taking out there on one of the coldest days a few weeks ago.
The wind blew my umbrella up. Mama used her’s to shield us as best as possible from the rain the wind pushed hard into us. Wind sprayed the backs of our legs with great blasts of water, as we stood there looking at the ground where a month ago they put my Granddaddy’s body in. We waded back to the car but sat there talking a bit because I wasn’t ready to leave. I know he’s not there, but I miss him so much I’m trying to do anything to help it feel better and today it happened to be standing out in the Cold Christmas Eve Rain.