“It is in surrender, in the embrace of our own perceived futility, paradoxically, that real freedom comes.” I wholeheartedly agree with you there. I like to call those periods my “Exodus Moments”–when I am somehow able to cross the Red Sea from anxiety to freedom.
This reminds me of what my husband reminded me of when I was having a dark night. He washed me in the word, reminding me that the Israelites felt like God didnt care about them either, but God had a plan and He was actively at work. I think I’m going to remember the phrase “Exodus Moments”. I may even right it down in my Rescue Book.
I have put together a rescue book to use when I loose touch with reality. It has my life verse personalized for me: I am a tree planted by living water. I will bear fruit in season. I do not fear the drought. My leaves never wither. I have several other scripture verses to remind me that God is real and loves me and thinks I’m beautiful, and that He has a plan for me. There are also small suggestions of things to do to help me feel better such as “take a walk; eat a healthy snack; drink an ice cold drink; sit under your full spectrum light,” and ” think of one small objective to do next. I have chosen to load clothes in the washer, or sit and watch a show, or write in my journal (although that one almost always comes as naturally as breating to me. The rescue book also had pictures of Jesus as a baby and on the cross with captions “Jesus, Emmanual, God with us” and “Surely He was the son of God.” I have included pictures of me and my husband and pictures of the kids. Those are always good ways to connect with reality. They need me.
My family needs me. God saved me when Gabe was born for something. God has a plan. I will bear fruit in season. This is what I put on the front of my “Rescue Book”: Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink. (Psalm 69: 14). Just like people with asthma have a rescue inhaler, I have a rescue book. At best it provides me a lifesaver and at worst gives me a string of a life line to hold on to.