how do i sort out the post partum blues from the near death experience and the feelings that brought on? i guess it really doesnt matter, but these are my thoughts. I have mentioned that seeing women in the post partum days is a huge trigger for me remembering my own time of coming back to life in a sense. The other day, my trigger was hearing a country song, “live like you are dying”. In it he sings “i loved deeper and i spoke sweeter and i gave forgiveness I’d been denying…” It was triggering because I resonated with those feelings. There was something magical about my post partum days where i really did stand in amazement at the fact that I was alive. I marveled at seeign the world, feeling the heat, seeing the colors. I wondered at what would have happened if i hadnt woken up. i was overwhelmed with noise, movement, and emotions but amazed at movement of life and thought in me and my family. At church we sang Blessed Be Your Name and there is a verse that says
blessed be your namewhen the sun is shining down on my, when the world is all that it should be, blessed be Your Name on the road thats marked with suffering, when there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name.
my post-partum-post near death time was marked by a combination of these words: the sun is shining down on me even though there’s pain in the offering. THere was the physical pain of healing and the emotional pain of the stuggle with doubt and faith. But i relished the beauty of the sun’s light and warmth, even metaphorically.